True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
