I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
