Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
