the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
