I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
