yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
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In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
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Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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