New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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