I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
