he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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