I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
