the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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