And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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