seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
