i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
