So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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