i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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