i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
