It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
