i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
