just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
