She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
