You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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