I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
