sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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