I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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