So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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