quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
