hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
