Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Fuck me I smell like cheese
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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