im six kinds of drunk right now
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
