So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
