U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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