Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
