I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
