Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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