I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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