Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
