So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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