she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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