I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
