I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
