Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
