im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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