When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
