How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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