...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My breasts were aching with rage.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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