so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize