She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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