i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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