We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
