You're completely useless in the revolution.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
