I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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