At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
