Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
