your parents love me but you hate me
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
