Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
