I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
