I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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