1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
